My parents always told me that 'life wasn't meant to be easy.' I never quite understood why they would want to fill an innocent child's mind with such negativity. It sounded like they were setting me up for a life of constant disappointment and struggle. Now as an adult, I'm beginning to understand the true meaning behind this statement. The most vital life skill we need is the ability to find balance in the face of challenges. Instead of resisting, we should lean into these places of vulnerability, and welcome them as our teachers.
When we fantasise about a perfect life, we tend to create an expectation that every day should flow effortlessly, without any problems or setbacks. We want all the lights to be green, to see only smiling faces, no stress, perpetual blue skies and cute puppy dogs to pat. We want to feel completely satisfied on every level, with as little effort expended as possible. Life should just flow right on into the setting sun...right? I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's what we are constantly fed my the media, and that's what keeps dragging us forward towards an impossible goal. We look upon challenges as the enemy to be avoided at all costs. We should have listened to our parents after all...
When faced with adversity, we tend to want to retreat as fast as possible back to our place of comfort and safety, when in fact we should be welcoming difficulties as our biggest teachers in life.
The ancient yogis also knew what they were doing when twisting their bodies into uncomfortable shapes, to become more resilient to hours of sitting cross-legged in meditation. They were training themselves to be comfortable with the uncomfortable, which is a very useful tool for life!
So let's take a closer look at this idea of expecting perfection all the time, and how this can wreak havoc on our life...
When we expose ourselves to too much comfort and smooth-sailing, devoid of waves and bad weather, our mind continually sets the bar higher and higher, creating a pattern of striving + expectation = disappointment. What is good one day, feels a little disappointing and not quite enough the next. Somehow we have this insatiable appetite for more. We live our lives in a constant state of 'not enough', and just as we empty our inbox of desires, it begins to fill up once more, bigger than ever. We feel overwhelmed, and may even lose sight of what it truly feels like to be happy, simply because we have nothing to measure it against. This is why the shitty parts of life are so necessary!
What if we trained ourselves instead to expect the upsets, troubles, delays, red lights and communication breakdowns? What if we learnt to welcome them, and to celebrate their unexpected arrival? This sounds interesting, but how exactly do we do that without becoming a 'glass half empty' miserable soul?
The key is to learn ways to develop an equanimous mind...moving through life from a point of curious observation rather than from a place of reaction and expectation. Taking time to pause and reflect, to untangle ourselves before mindfully choosing the next step. Total acceptance that everything is exactly as it's meant to be in this moment. Replacing control with trust.
When faced with difficulties, try pausing and remaining in this place, fully experiencing the discomfort and trusting that just as the good times always pass, the bad ones do too.
Deep breathing with full awareness can really help at this point. In yoga we practice Pranayama ( breath work ) to control and harness the effects of the nervous system. Techniques such as Nadi Sodhana are very calming and balancing. We do this by alternating the inhalation and exhalation through each nostril, which activates the yin ( passive) and the yang (active) parts of the brain simultaneously.
This helps to rebalance both hemispheres of the brain, bringing us back from the unsettling extremes of emotion, to a place of equilibrium in both the mind and body. From this place we are more likely to have measured responses to situations, rather than to react out of fear. The fight or flight reflex of survival is kept in check. In short, we remain calm. Regular meditation sessions, or even time spent quietly focusing on the breath, can also have a similar effect. By cultivating daily practices such as these, we are creating a kind of cell memory in the body, with the aim of having a flow-on effect into our everyday life. We begin to reset our default from react and resist, to pause and reflect.
What if we also begin to entertain the idea that as humans we are designed to actually need problems to occur, simply to keep life flowing along the process of continual expansion, growth and learning? We are, after all, made to ride the cycles of ups and downs, undeniably connected to the much larger picture that is nature. We are effected by the moon and sun energies, as well as the tides, seasons and weather cycles. It makes perfect sense then to learn to accept the ebb and flow of life as the normal process for survival. Just as the planet experiences times when all is calm and the sun is shining, with not a drop of wind, this can change in an instant to cyclonic winds, floods and extreme opposite conditions. We learn to expect and to accept this as a normal process of nature, so why not expect and accept the same for us as humans? When we adjust our mindset, we learn to flow with the undulations of life rather than contract and resist them.
Instead of taking cover in the face of impending 'disaster', we should be focusing our energy on learning and practicing healthy alternatives such as yoga, meditation, pranayama...every day.
The challenges in life are not meant to be obstacles. They should be seen as gifts of opportunity that we can use to get to know our true self a little better. The essence of who we truly are is not the person cowering in the corner, or screaming in frustration. We are after all, spiritual beings on a trajectory towards growth, not self-destruction.
"When you realise how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky." - Buddha
Namaste.
With love, peace and wellbeing,
Danielle, Tony, Frankie & Georgie
...from somewhere on the road xxxx
For more healthy inspiration please comment or get in touch and say hi.
We love to connect and share our experiences as we travel around Australia in our bus called 'Sunny'.
Thanks for your inspiration Danielle! Heading for the unknown always will go along with discomfort. But staying with what we know will limit our range of motion. Up to us to make a choice!