Sometimes it seems like we hit the ground running from the moment we are born, being swept along in a wave of learning, doing, achieving and accumulating. The idea that we need to do more to be more is wearing us out. Instead of continually pushing ourselves further, we should also be creating pockets of space in our life to bring us back to a calm place of balance.
I remember a conversation I had with a work colleague about 15 years ago. I was telling her quite firmly that I wasn't living the kind of life I was meant to. I recall a feeling of bewilderment like I had nothing to do with all the choices I had made to get me to where I was. Somehow after backpacking around Europe solo for 12 months in my gap year at 19, having the most life-changing adventure of self-discovery, I found myself back home finishing university, married and with a baby by 22.
I didn't have any regrets whatsoever, but inside it felt like I was two separate people competing for dominance. The adventurer, traveller and free spirit on the one side, and the dutifully educated daughter, wife and mother on the other. I was being sensible and safe by choosing to go with the flow of what was expected of me. And so I kept rolling along, gathering momentum with new jobs, new babies, new cars and bigger houses...for another 25 years. All the while my other self was patiently waiting, sinking underneath the waves of my 'fabulously' full life. I had no time to indulge this freer side, and ironically I didn't have much time to even enjoy this other busy life I had created either. By then I was too far gone, so I just kept on flowing with the tide. I was continually fuelling my yang side with more, more, more, with never a moment to spare.
Sometimes it seems like we have no choice but to sink or swim, so we let ourselves be swept along in this growing tidal wave of action, doing, accumulating and constant movement.
Our life these days seems to be very much geared towards constant movement and activity. Even when we have down-time we tend to reach for our phone to keep us plugged in with the rest of the world. We have forgotten what it feels like to have nothing to do, which keeps us in a constant state of stimulation. Even our relaxation time is often spent connected in some way to our yang/masculine energy, the active side. In yoga as well as Chinese medicine it is believed that when these opposing masculine and feminine energies are out of balance then this creates the perfect environment for disease to flourish. We are, after all, creatures designed in symmetry, so it goes against the laws of nature for us to live with constant imbalance.
Personally, I had become very good at saying yes to everything, without really questioning where it was leading. Saying no, or choosing a different path just seemed like I was giving up or failing. I felt a sense of shame if I gave myself some relaxation time, as though somehow I was not living up to the expectations of the fast-paced lifestyle I was brought up in.
I definitely felt like somehow it was out of my control to put on the brakes of life, to slow down and take a breath. Ironically I had everything, but felt so depleted physically, emotionally and spiritually. I was wearing myself out with this constant juggling act in an effort to cling on to it all. I knew that the balance was way out, but my education somehow lacked the know-how of doing nothing, relaxing and indulging in some nourishing yin time. I felt like I was strapped to a perpetual roller-coaster ride, and it scared the hell out of me because I was so exhausted all the time!
Fast forward nearly 25 years. I'm so grateful to have somehow found yoga and meditation along the way as a coping mechanism, or perhaps it found me? I recently had a lightbulb moment of realisation. I knew I had to muster the courage to make some serious changes. I took a deep breath and jumped off the speeding train that was my reality, leaving behind my well-paid job, my beautiful house and most of the material trappings of my safe life. I needed space to breathe again, to find out if there was another more peaceful path for me. With no set plans for the future, I let go of it all in search of a more balanced and simple life.
This constant climate of striving and comparing ourselves to what others have is an impossible battle to win. No matter where we look, somehow we are made to feel that we just don't measure up. We are pushed to do more to have more. Our success is often measured by how much we do and have, but do we take time to actually reflect upon whether this is making us happy? Perhaps it's time we started educating our children towards a different thought process. Life is not a perpetual race and competition. We don't need to function from the fight or flight standpoint all the time, fuelled by that thrilling adrenalin rush. What we really should be doing is gathering some tools to help us move calmly through the challenges, to empower us to be self-sufficient enough to follow our own steady path, instead of running with the crowd all the time. We need to balance the yang with the yin energy, and not feel guilty for doing so. Most importantly we should change the mindset that being busy means you are a success.
Instead of bringing our children into the world with a constant row of hurdles they need to conquer by adulthood, why not teach them the gentle laws of balance. Show them the importance of doing nothing sometimes, to create pockets of quiet rest where it's ok to switch off.
Nearly 12 months later, here we are. Home for us is now a vintage bus we named 'Sunny'. We traded hollow security for a peaceful life of serenity instead. Our courage to jump off and choose simplicity over luxurious chaos has rewarded us with an overwhelming feeling of lightness and joy. We now have the space to follow our dreams of travel and adventure, and to explore the flipside to constant busyness.
The message I feel most inspired to share through my journey is that every generation is evolving differently from the last, and while we may take inspiration from our parents and grandparents, and welcome their advice, we don't necessarily have to act on it. We are free to choose a life of balance, and should not be made to feel guilty for it. Our parents and grandparents placed great value in the work ethic to survive their times, however today we have so many different options in front of us. Yes, there are definitely times when it's beneficial to work hard, have sleepless nights and keep on moving, but it is crucial that we also allow the more gentle side of our nature to blossom and receive what we need in order to find true inner peace, not to mention remain in good health on all levels.
It's OK to let go. It's OK to just Be here in this moment, doing nothing. Most importantly we have a right to be choosing self-nourishment over punishment.
Perhaps you are reading this and relating to the feeling of being way too overwhelmed by your busyness, and you are struggling to find that middle path of balance? Maybe you are living a life that was expected of you, rather than the life you truly desire? If there's one piece of advice I would like to share from my experience it's that it is never too late to make some changes. They do not need to be as drastic as selling your house and quitting your job like we did in middle age, but even making small adjustments to create a little bit of space can be the tipping point towards that place of peaceful equilibrium. Create some space and magic will happen!
Good luck on your journey, and may you find your balance.
We hope to see you on our travels, and please do get in touch if you would like to share your thoughts and perspective.
Love and Light,
Danielle & Tony
( Frankie & Georgie )
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